This just happens to be my song of the moment - I dedicate it to all the gorgeous pregnant ladies out there who are having trouble sleeping due to the May heatwave! :-) Barenaked Ladies - Who Needs Sleep?

I am trying to get this free box of Johnson's samples for when baby is due but it's one of those things where you need to sign up for an offer or get referrals! The offers are useless to me, but I only need four people to click on my referral link and sign up for me to be able to claim the box (apparently...). If you are pregnant, just had a baby or know someone that has then please help out. Once you sign up I'll be happy to forward your link on and help you get your referrals too!

http://babysamples.co.uk/index.php?referral=23810

Dear Sky,

Do you remember when you used to live in the greenhouse at Torrington Road?!
Then one beautiful sunny day I left the back door open and walked into the dining room to find you, sitting like a bowling pin, in the kitchen doorway! I gave you corned beef on a willow pattern plate because you looked hungry (and you gave me those big, cute 'cat eyes') - that was your first meal with us. When Paul got in from work and I told him you'd been in the house, he said we couldn't keep you. He said he didn't like cats. I didn't like cats either - until I met you.
That night we left the bathroom window ajar; when Paul went downstairs you were asleep on the sofa. I think Paul loved you from that moment.
You never left.
We tried to find out where you'd come from but no one claimed you. It didn't take long for you to settle in. You spent many hours sitting on our laps purring away, and many more in the sun trap we called the 'bus shelter' in the back garden, soaking up the sun. In between munching on biscuits and hiding in boxes, of course.

Then we got a new kitten who we called Molly.
We thought you might eat her.
But you didn't.
You started a 'love/hate' relationship which bought us all together as a family. Molly used to try to drink from your nipples because she saw you as her mum, which made us laugh! Sometimes you'd put her in her place - she copied everything you did but she was always much more naughty than you. Sometimes you'd give each other nose rubs, but even when you were fighting you were gentle with her and never used your claws. Because that's the kind of cat you were.
We didn't like letting you out in the evening because the area wasn't very nice so it was for your own protection. We put the expandable wine rack up by the back door to stop you scratching at it. But you decided to wear it as a tutu and whilst we were relaxing on the sofa, the wine rack came hurtling into the living room - with you inside. You weren't hurt but you did make a horrible noise. We couldn't stop laughing - you never did go near that wine rack again. Neither did Molly for that matter.

Then we moved house.
We thought that all the changes would upset you - after all, you'd been a city kitty for as long as we'd known you and we hadn't long got Molly who was still settling in with us. Rural country life was going to be very different for you and so we walked you and Molly around on leads for a couple of weeks before we let you out on your own.
When we opened the back door without you on a harness for the first time we both worried that we might not see you again - that you would go running off into the wild.
But you didn't.
You barely left the boundary of the garden, and you seemed so happy with all the space and peace and quiet and trees... And bats. You never did like catching things - you're so gentle that if anything moved in your mouth you'd sooner spit it out rather than kill it.
One particular eveing we remember well, we wondered why you wanted to come in so late, then when you FINALLY decided to make an appearance you released a large bat into the living room! I screamed and hid in the office - I don't mind bats, but it's not particularly nice when one is flying around your head in a small space. Paul spent a good 20 minutes trying to catch it and finally cornered it in the spare bedroom where he managed to get it into a laundry bin and release it outside.
We got wise to your bat-catching and always checked your mouth before you came in after that to make sure there were no goodies in there for us...
It always surprised us how a cat who didn't like hunting managed to catch bats, and always released them without damaging their delicate wings.

You spent many happy Summer days and evenings guarding the garden in the tree fort or sitting thoughtfully on the patio table, observing quietly and occasionally patroling the grounds to make sure everything was in its place.

Then we got chickens.
We thought you would eat them.
But you didn't.
In fact you couldn't have cared any less about them, and merely looked on as they clucked around you. Did you even notice them?! You settled in to country life so well - it was like you had always wanted this sort of lifestyle, and we were so happy to be able to give it to you.
I'd even set up a Twitter account for you - you became more popular than me and most of my friends! Your quirky habits and daily-doings touched people's hearts even though they hadn't met you. You bought a lot of joy to a lot of people, including my grandparents when they came back from France to stay with us - you hadn't met them very often but as soon as my nan put her suitcase in the bedroom you would set up camp there! She'd always end up with a suitcase covered in cat hair by the end of the stay :-) You wouldn't move except for food, which was odd because you'd take yourself off somewhere else whenever anyone else came around, but for some reason you endured my grandparents - even when my nan bought you that nasty French cat food mush with whole PEAS and CARROTS in it! I think it's because they used to make such a fuss of you that you put up with it all - and because my nan had a particularly comfortable suitcase ;-)

Then we rescued Poppy.
We thought you might leave us because we'd got another cat - another YOUNG cat, of all things.
But you didn't.
The day we bought her home, skinny and sad, we put down some biscuits in the kitchen... You walked in and our hearts were in our mouths. You looked at Molly, looked at Poppy then adopted your usual 'well, where's my biscuits' pose! We gave you lots of strokes and secret ham, which made you even happier :-)
Molly freaked when she saw another cat in the house.
We thought SHE would eat her.
But she didn't.
In fact, she stopped harassing you and gave you the quiet life you'd always wanted; Molly and Poppy went from arch-enemies to best of friends in just a few days - thanks to the way you'd reacted to Molly initially. She learned a lot from you, and is now passing that on to Poppy who's also settled in nicely and really seems to be enjoying life here. Poppy really looked up to you - she didn't know you that well, but she knew you well enough to know that you were older and wiser than she was, and she should give you the space that you deserve, but she certainly enjoyed the odd nose-rub with you!

And then you got sick.

You'd been poorly for a couple of weeks before we took you to the vet - you were always coughing up hair balls so we assumed your sickness was due to eating too much grass and whatever else it was you nibbled outside!
But it wasn't.
It was due to a tumour on your kidney. There was nothing the vet could do.
We were devastated when he told us. The only things that helped were the vet informing us that you were probably older than was first thought and therefore had enjoyed a long, happy life, and the fact that we had 3 weeks to say goodbye - a luxury that a lot of pet owners don't have.

It was a sad 3 weeks. You seemed to get so sick in such a short amount of time, it was awful to see you suffering and struggling every day. You didn't want to do anything except sleep in your box, (you've always had a thing for boxes!), and eat. We gave you lots of cuddles but made sure you had the space that you wanted and needed, too.

The end of the three weeks came too quickly. The morning we had to take you to the vet we knew the only option was to let you sleep. I think you knew that, too. It's so hard to make that decision on your behalf. It's strange that humans aren't even allowed to make that decision for themselves yet we are allowed to choose for our beloved pets. I think - we both think - that the decision we made was the one you wanted. When we stood in the surgery, tears streaming down our faces, you never once stopped purring. You were so calm - I feel like I let you down by making such a fuss. When the vet injected you we stroked you and told you how much we loved you. You didn't flinch once and you looked at me with relieved, happy eyes as your body started to relax, and I felt a huge weight lift - you had been so uncomfortable, to see that one moment of happiness on your face before you left us made me realise that we had given you the painless, dignified send off which you longed-for and deserved. It didn't make it any easier.

The journey home with you was a cruel one. Paul and I didn't say much to each other but we both cried a lot. When we got home we took you inside so Molly and Poppy could say goodbye to you - we didn't want them thinking we'd taken you away. Molly stepped on you gently and sniffed your face - she knew what had happened. We put you in the box Paul made for you and we made sure you were wrapped up all cosy. I hope you don't mind that we took your collar off - I wanted something to remember you by and it symbolises that once again you have your freedom. We put your bowl in with you - Paul remembered to fill it with some biscuits too! We know you love biscuits :-)

We buried you in the middle of the garden - as we put you into the ground Molly came and sat next to you to pay her respects - it made me cry again! We wanted to put you in the garden because you loved it here - I hope that's ok. You're free to travel wherever you want now. We've planted one of the Ash trees we bought from Torrington Road with us next to you, too. It was always the Ash trees you sat under, so now you can have one of your very own.

There will never be another cat like you - you were our furry friend, a member of the family, my familiar... And you touched so many lives, from our family, to friends to total strangers - you received some beautiful messages on your Twitter account!
To a lot of people you're just a cat. But to us you're a very special friend and always will be. Some people have since said that sad moments like this are the reason they don't have pets, but to be able to have the honour and pleasure of living with such a unique companion who's bought us so much happiness, we'd do it all over again at the drop of a hat!

The past few days since you've gone have been strange - little moments like getting in from work or coming down in the morning without you to greet us makes me think of you and how much I'll miss you - it's those little moments that make it hard to adjust. Sometimes I still think I can hear you - I know, that sounds weird! - but in a way it's comforting and lets me know that in whatever form a part of you is still here with us. And always will be - even if it is just in my head! I do have the excuse that I'm pregnant, after all ;-)

We're really sad that you didn't get to meet Baby Rawlings, we were looking forward to introducing you to her, but we will share all our memories, photos and videos of you with her and I'm sure the stories will bring her as much happiness as actually living them has for us!
I'm pretty sure you've got some lives left and I'm hoping that you'll come and find us again one day - we'll always be on the lookout for the next stray kitty!

In the meantime enjoy your well deserved rest. THANK YOU so much for choosing us to be your guardians - it's been an absolute honour - and for being such a wonderful companion and role model to Molly and Poppy.

We love you, SkyPie. We will never forget you. Or that mole on the end of your nose. Sleep well, travel far and we hope one day we will see you again.

Lots of love and face rubs,
HuMum, HuMan, MollySocks and Poopy Bum
XXX

Ostara!, tasty roast at mum and dad's - belly grew again, waited for chicks to hatch, mum & dad's 40th wedding anniversary - got them tickets to 'Dreamboats & Petticoats' - mum and dad cried, waited for chicks to hatch, Viki got a cleavage!, rain, Sky the cat not right - took Sky to vet, vet said Sky was very poorly - back in three weeks, cried, rain, belly got bigger, started buying baby things, waited for chicks to hatch, Thelma got OFF eggs, one chick had hatched, eggs tweeted, put eggs in incubator, stayed up all night carefully peeling 4 tweeting eggs and keeping them moist, 4 successfully hatched!, heard baby's heartbeat at midwife appointment, smiled, rain, put incubator chicks back with Thelma - thought Thelma wanted to eat them, Thelma wanted to eat US, chicks settled in with mummy hen, belly got bigger.

What's going on?! One minute I'm saying how surprised I am by how quickly time is going, the next I'm whining that I've still got weeks to go, and getting impatient with it!

The last few weeks have been a bit odd - well, most of pregnancy is a BIT odd, but once you're past the halfway points strange things begin to happen.

Baby Rawlings is obviously growing nicely - she kicks me for most of the day but is relatively quiet at night. A trend I'm hoping will continue once she's born... Saying that, night time is now REALLY uncomfortable. No amount of pillows, cushions or squishy wedges seems to make the slightest bit of difference, and poor Paul is now running out of room for all the extra duvets and pillows. To make matters worse for him, when I do eventually get some sleep apparently I make strange noises and snore loudly. Sexy stuff! :-O

Speaking of feeling sexy, I've put on a tonne of weight - yes, yes, I know there is a human inside me, but my face looks like it did before I lost 3 stone so that's getting me down a bit. Quitting smoking is partly to blame, but the fact that I can't seem to stop eating - even though it's mostly fruit, salads and pastas doesn't seem to be helping. I can't say I'm feeling the love for pregnancy at all. I'm REALLY excited about the outcome, but all these women that say they enjoyed their pregnancy are really making me feel bad! I think a lot of women feel like they have to say that, but not enjoying pregnancy doesn't mean that you won't be a good parent. Nine months is a long time to give up things you enjoy and essentially loan your body out! I think it's ok to feel more excited about the baby being here than how they get here :-)

I've also found that EVERYONE is now offering their own pearls of wisdom, which I'm more than gratefully accepting, however there are a few people (namely the blokes at work...), who feel like they know best and talk to me like I've never had any experience of babies before. I'm not saying I know it all - I'm not even saying I know a bit - but I'm not an idiot and there is definitely a difference between advice and a lecture! On that subject, I have decided not to breastfeed, and I do not need people telling me that 'breast is best' - in some cases it is, but if I can't produce enough milk, or I decide to start smoking or want a glass or two of wine, or I get sick, or... you get the idea, then I wouldn't want to pass that on to my baby. I had to put up with a 40 minute talk from a guy at work about how I'll probably change my mind and I won't bond with my baby properly otherwise. Poppycock. Most of the people I know who have had babies bottle feed, and they've never had an issue. I think we're going to try HiPP organic, so if anyone has any advice on bottle feeding that would be appreciated - but please don't try to convince me to breastfeed! This isn't a decision I made when I woke up this morning - I'd pretty much decided before I was pregnant. Her first feed will be breastfed, after that she can hit the bottle like the rest of us! :-D

Well, that's got that out of the way! I had another midwife appointment this week and we heard Baby's heartbeat again which is always amazing to hear and reassuring. I am getting a bit fed up with appointments now - at my last hospital appointment they finally found my kidney op notes and told me that I never had a duplex kidney removed, (as I've always been told.....), but it was an 11cm tumour! Because my notes were indecipherable the consultant has arranged for me to have a kidney scan at the beginning of May to find out exactly how many kidneys I have an what their function is! It's quite worrying - if it was a tumour I should have had follow ups at least once a year to check nothing has grown back. I'm not looking forward to having to wait around the hospital again but it will be good to find out what's going on with my own body! As long as Baby is fine I'm not too fussed - I feel healthy enough and that's the main thing!

The nursery is coming together now - it's nice to finally be able to start work on it - and we're getting lots of donations and nice pressies from people! I don't think we'll have to buy anything except cloth nappies! :-D I'm knitting some blankets and things too so it's going to be exciting to be able to wrap her in them soon!

Emotions have been very high and very low recently too. Partly due to pregnancy hormones, partly due to the ups and downs of family life - namely at this moment in time, the health of Sky, our oldest cat. I won't go into detail as I've already done a previous post but she is very poorly and we're not sure how long we have left with her. I really wanted her to meet Baby Rawlings :-( On the plus side we hatched 5 little chicks to add to our chicken flock so the circle of life continues, although they'll never be a part of the family like our Sky Pie!

I see Paul has returned from mum's with more baby donations so I shall bid you farewell until a few weeks closer to the birth! Yay!

After a sad week there is new life at the small smallholding!

The eggs we put under Thelma, our Bantum Wyandotte, were due to hatch Tuesday. One popped out Wednesday so she decided to get off the other 7 yesterday morning - these little baby's are the product of 48 hours of very gently hand-hatching and emergency incubating! Very proud! And despite Sky the Cat being poorly she stayed up with me all night guarding them (she's not interested in eating anything that wriggles that much..!). Thelma can have them back tomorrow :-) The two yellow chicks are Light Sussex and the two dark ones are Welsummer's (like the Kellogg's cockerel). We won't know the sex until a few weeks at least.

The straggly looking one is just minutes old! It'll dry out and fluff up the like rest of them.

There comes a time when The Good Life goes bad. Today is one of those times. Sky, our longest serving cat, has been diagnosed with some sort of kidney problems. We're back to the vet in 3 weeks. Unfortunately, serious kidney problems in a cat are incurable, (unless you live in the States where they transplant kidneys into cats, apparently).
She's been losing weight for months now so we knew that something was wrong. She's already been to the vet a month or so ago, and was told she was improving but she really has got very skinny the past few weeks.

We've never known exactly how old she is - she came to live with us in our last house about 6 years ago. She started by sleeping in our greenhouse and slowly, like a ninja cat, made her way up to the house via the garden, and, eventually, Paul went downstairs one morning to find she was asleep on the sofa. She'd been breaking in through the bathroom window - and she hasn't left since. No one ever claimed her and it seemed that she didn't have a home to go back to so we adopted her, had her chipped and then moved to our house in the beautiful Elham Valley which we now share with 2 other cats, Molly and Poppy (who we rescued), and a random number of chickens.

She's always been a lazy cat - she lets Molly, our second oldest cat, catch all the mice then claims them as hers when Molly's bought them in. In reality, she hates anything that's alive being in her mouth and she wouldn't hurt a fly. She's caught bats before but lets them go without any harm, (in the front room, usually), at all to their delicate wings. She's never clawed, scratched or bitten anyone and when she tells our other cats off she boxes her with all her claws in - she'd never hurt them. She really is one of a kind.

In 3 weeks, however, we have another appointment with the vet. He told us that there is literally nothing they can do, nor anything we could have done, which can or would have helped. It doesn't stop us feeling helpless, but it gives us a sense of reassurance that she has had a fantastic life with us - much better than she would have had if she'd not moved in when she did. The vet said we have to make the decision to either ignore the problem and let her go on as long as she can, or to go back in 3 weeks, (he's given her a steroid injection in the meantime), and send her to sleep. We don't think it's fair to keep her going - it would be for our own selfish reasons, so we will make the decision to let her sleep. It's a choice that humans don't have and it is the very least we can do for such an important member of our family. It makes me more sad to think Baby Rawlings will not get to meet her by just a few months, but it's not right to see her keep going in the condition she is in. Whilst she doesn't seem to be in any pain, it's obvious she's feeling very low. It's a hard decision to have to make, and although we knew that we'd have to do it one day, you're never prepared.

As I wipe the tears from my eyes and begin another bout of sobbing, I am reassured by the fact that we are so lucky to have time to say goodbye to our little cat. Not everyone has that luxury, so we will make the most of these last weeks with her and show her how much she is loved and how important she is to us. As we have done every day we have shared with her.

"To Sky,
We love you, Sky the Cat, and you will always be remembered - not only because you were our first cat, but because of your unique and kind personality. No other cat can replace you and the house will never be the same without you. When Baby Rawlings is born we'll make her laugh with the stories we remember you by - like the time you got stuck in the expandable wine rack and ran around the living room wearing a wine rack tutu. You will be at peace and without suffering, and you will always, always be loved and your memory cherished. Yes, we promise to give you extra biscuits for the next few weeks. Yes, I will let you have a look in the towel cupboard. Molly and Poppy promise to behave too.
Lots of love and cat hugs and snuggles,
Mummy and Daddy (HuMan and HuLady)
XXX"

Cruel. But funny.

Blood tests, belly grew, engine went on Landy *panic*, borrowed mum & dad's 'frog' car, felt silly, engine needs replacing - bollocks, HOLIDAY! (staycation at home), spring cleaning/nesting, our best hen Cagney died, cried, 20 week baby scan - we're having a girl!, *beamed*, purchased new Landy exactly same as old Landy but in weird 80s shell suit colours thanks to mum and dad, told family sex of baby; family went mad buying dresses :-), clocks went forward - animals routines messed up for a month, our sleep messed up for a month, Thelma the bantum hen went broody, bought 8 eggs to put under Thelma; 4x Welsummer, 4x Light Sussex, three week wait to see if Thelma bothers to stay sitting on them this time, my belly grew, felt baby kicking properly for the first time!